Happy Holidays

At this time of year I reflect on my changes throughout the year. I get emotional knowing that my life is not what I expected it to be. As a single mom, I want to give Madison the proper guidance. I know I cannot give her certain things in a monetary way that she wants, but giving her the love and nurture is what she and I should both expect!

Madison has started Kindergarten and is growing into a beautiful young girl. She has a heart that is helpful and has a smile that will light up any room. She is my life and I adore her to no extent. I don't know what I would do without her. I am proud of her no matter what.

May each and every one of you have a Very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! 

God Bless!

Stephanie

My Universe!

My Universe!

Today I was blessed to wake up to find many people in my life that care about me enough to say Happy Birthday! It takes only 1 minute or 60 seconds to do this, but it may actually mean a lot to someone. And today that someone was me! I appreciate each and every one of you! Even Google put a smile on my face with a Happy Birthday message, and no I haven't ever seen this before so it was a nice surprise.

Speaking of surprises. My closest friends put together a "surprise" birthday party for me at our local hangout place. I can honestly say I was surrounded by people that I love and truly care for and am honored to call them my friends. 

My first thing I do when I wake up is read a daily email I get from "The Universe" it usually sets a stride for my day and it gets me going in a great direction. This morning, running a bit late (as usual for those who know me and get annoyed with it, I'm totally sorry!) I didn't get to read it until I got to work. This is a short version of what it said.

Quite simply: 

You're the kind of person, Stephanie,
Who's hard to forget,
A one-in-a-million
To the people you've met.
Your friends are as varied
As the places you go,
And they all want to tell you
In case you don't know:
That you make a big difference
In the lives that you touch,
By taking so little
And giving so much!

Stephanie, you are so AWESOME! For your birthday, friends and angels from every corner of the Universe, including buddies you didn't know you had, will be with you to wish you the HAPPIEST of days and an exciting new year in time and space. You won't be alone! 

The last sentence really got me. I wont be alone. I may not always make a big deal out of being alone, but I'm usually the one not  in a relationship, and am most of the time I  am the lone single person in a group setting. I don't believe that I am an "ugly" person,  physically or spiritually but I am not the happiest person either. And that shows on the outside a lot more than I thought. One of my closest friends told me I need to be more warm and friendly. (This stunned me for a minute, then I was like DAMN she is right!) Friendly I am, talkative I am not! And I actually get the warm part, I am not quick to talk to people, I hide myself, until I get the feel for the mood/situation/person I am dealing with, its a defense I have had all my life. That is my second change this year I am making! First being the exercise, because we all know that needs to happen! (<~~~insert fat picture here!) I need to pop out of my shell and not worry or hesitate what another person thinks of me. I mean I am a confident person! But I have insecurities just like everyone else does! Mine just so happens to be a physical one! 

Anyways...back to the topic....

But I am not alone and I will never be alone. My friendships will forever be with me no matter where I am. I may not have a huge family to lean on, but I have some of the best friends a person can ask for, that would do anything they could, to help a friend out, and to be there for you! That by far is considered family to me. Maybe not by blood, but in my heart! 

Also,

PS - Stephanie, this is going to be YOUR year!!  

 I truly believe this will be "MY YEAR!" I will make my year great! Because I will be 35 from here on out! No more getting older! I'm holding on to this one forever! And I'm changing me for the better! 

Happy Holidays! 

Love, Warmth, & Cheery Smiles,

Stephanie

me

Escape from the Loop de Loop

So I've been on a loop de loop for a while. Major happenings in my life upswings downswings ins and outs!

Most recently I have moved into my own place with my little "diva!"  It has been a grateful move, nonetheless stressful too! *Shoutout! - One of my loving dear friends, we are each others rocks, has been through most of my several years in Lexington, gave me the strength and ability to do so. I cannot be more thankful happy joyous to have this person in my life no matter what!!!!

Since my last post I have lost friends, gained friends, inspired friends, and hell pissed off people that aren't friends but were supposed to be friends. I believe this is all apart of life to begin with. We enter into peoples lives when we need them most, and they leave or are left when they aren't needed anymore. Or we lose contact with some, but pick up right where we left off 10 years ago or 2 months ago. Some people are meant to be best friends those who you confide in sometimes a daily basis, others are friends that have just the name sake. Some "friends" like to talk about their "friends" and hopes they wont find out. They aren't friends!

The beginning of October I went to New Orleans, LA the "Big Easy" on a Work Vacation (as the little diva calls it) for a week. It was a much needed break from reality, but also got some great information on new software that I would have never been able to get sitting in my office. I love my job! I get to be creative and do things I enjoy, with people that are really great! They also know how to eat well too! We had some great meals down there! I also tried my first Hurricane on Bourbon St.! What a night!

So while I came back from my reality break, (a little heavier than I went) I jumped right back into the exercising routine (the gym at the hotel was $13/day NO THANK YOU!) I'm walking/jogging 3-4 miles a day and have been including up upper body weights to strengthen my arms up. As an added perk after exercising, little diva and I enjoy playing in the warm water pool, which also helps stretch the muscles.   I'm down 14lbs for the year according to the good ole checkup! I'll take it! I'm excited to see what this next year will bring!

Until the next time......toodles! *waves*

Plain and simple, when I wake up in the morning I piss excellence.

This was totally me this evening. I feel amazing today (even though I continued my pouting this morning) I turned things around and ended up walk/jogging 2 miles in 33 minutes! I am proud of myself and my accomplishments! I joined the YMCA I will not waste the money that I would have other wise "smoked" away, but now I am putting it towards good health for my family!

Weekends are for the birds! SQWAK!! SQWAK!!

Boy did I feel like a baby bird this weekend. I was always hungry! And I ate! I think I like the structure of the week a lot better! I am busy throughout the day and there is not enough time to even think of snacking on oh lets just say "ding dongs, ho hos, chocolate bars, blow pops, potato chips" and every other fattening thing you could probably think of laying around in this house!!

So I left work early on Friday because my daughter had an in-service day (a week into school starting??? R U SERIOUS?) and 3 restaurants later is Sunday! I chose well though, a Grilled Chicken Salad (no croutons) 540 cal, Double Meat Breakfast (no toast) 523 cal, Spinach Stromboli (my cheat!) with Tomato Salad  840 cal,  I weighed this morning and I am back down 6 lbs. I'm back on track with losing 2 lbs a week, and I am happy with that! I know now, its not instantaneous! I can't be thin tomorrow, but I can and have been eating a lot healthier than I was last month at this time! Its taken 34 years to eat this stuff up, it might take me another 15 to take it off, but I will do it! Day 21 I feel better from dieting changing how I eat!  Day 16 of no smoking and my lungs feel like they are filled mud! Its what I get for doing that so long! GROSS!! Anyways! Turbo Fire is out for now, I need to lose more body fat, I need to realize I am not healthy enough to do that program even though I want to. My knee hurts and I don't want to push it too hard.

Watch out for broken glass.....

Watch out for broken glass! I'm about to throw the scale out the window. I have been exercising for almost 3 weeks, and Wednesdays are my weigh days! Needless to say the reason I am throwing the scale out the window is that I have gained 4 lbs this week....yes you read that right! + F-O-U-R lbs.! I am upset, discouraged, and tired! I am working my butt off to see results, and in return its the opposite of what I want to see! I'm not giving up though! Just because there is a positive this week, doesn't mean there won't be a negative the next!

Enjoy the nice "Autumn" day

I woke up this morning telling myself that I was taking a day off! After reading so many posts last night about letting your muscles heal and the water they retain, I decided I needed it! So I came to work without my workout bag. The whole way into work I felt like I really forgetting something. I had been carrying that bag for 16 days now! Its a part of me! A part of my life! I am glad I have the extra weight of a gym bag to remind me of the expectations I have set for myself! But I will rest, I will enjoy my day! But tomorrow is another day! Back at it!

HELP! Am I eating right?

 I have tons of questions and I can only read so much on the internet before it all becomes conflicting. I am eating a lot differently since I started this journey. Needless to say my body is not adjusting to the shock I have put on it. But I need some opinions from some of my friends/acquaintances/health-nuts/whoever! Is what I'm eating enough, not enough, just right? What should I include more of, take away, keep the same? I probably should instill a dietician somewhere in my journey, because I'm not going to be able to do this by myself for a long period of time before food is going to start getting old. If anyone can please give me some information/guidance I would greatly appreciate it!!

Calories are set for 1500, but because of exercise, it went up to 2028? I don't get that either!

Day 14 and I feel AMAZING!

Day 14...Its Sunday, a normal day of rest! Nope not for me! Today at 1pm I started the program Couch to 5k, which is supposed to last 9 weeks. I can do that! I'm also sure it will take me longer than that! But I also can say the first day kicked MY butt! I completed 2.6 miles in 25 minutes. I already feel the burn in my thighs 1 hour after completing the program! I'm sure more will come tomorrow! But it feels good, it feels like its supposed to be!! I took the rest of the day off! :)

Also its day 10 of No Smoking! I think Saturday was my hardest day so far. I was out with my great friend Susie at Harrys, and it really hit me hard. I'm actually glad we didn't sit outside at the patio (for those who don't live in Lexington, KY there is no smoking inside any building!) There were smokers everywhere. I even went out later that evening to see if there were perhaps a couple seats at the bar, and I just came right back inside. I couldn't take the smell! None the less I'm pretty sure I would have been drooling at all the smokers!!!! The drive home was a little bit harder, I was trying to convince myself that I could just buy a pack and smoke one cig, maybe even the mini slim cigs...why waste $5.00 on a pack, for 1 cig. Then I was like, well maybe I could keep them for emergencies...then I was pulling into my driveway! I past all the gas stations and talked myself out of it! I am proud of me!! Sunday was easy breezy! I kept myself way busy!

Fridays are rest days....I'm the boss, and because I said so!

Hip Hip Hooray, HO, HEY, HO!

Since Fridays are my days off, I decided to count the amount of miles that I concurred this week. Drum roll please......19.05 miles! I Stephanie G. walked 19 miles in one week! OMG OMG! I walked 19 miles in 334 minutes (or simply put 17.57 per mile) I'm proud of myself! I'm proud of everyone around me who is doing the exact same thing as me! I will stand up and cheer for everyone trying to make their lives more healthy!

Day 12....I am officially down 8 lbs in 12 days! Wow its really amazing once you put your mind to it! (With a little oops! thrown in!)

Exercise for Week

Distance: 19.05mi

Time:334:

Pace: 17:57min/mi

Make Up and Sweat...just don't mix!

Yes I am a HOT MESS! :)

One thing I learned today that I am not as prepared as I thought I was. Now don't get me wrong.I get all my workout gear ready the night before... but there are a few things I have forgotten over the past two weeks (sorry coworkers! )that I should have at the top of my list... Lets start with a bar of soap and wash cloth! It is not a pretty sight coming in from outside walking with sweat, foundation, eye liner all running down my face in a place of business. Second, lets talk about reapplying the makeup back into place after the workout! I just wish Sephora would make a foundation that would last through the pouring sweat! Now that would be awesome! And everyone could look absolutely FABULOUS during their workouts! lol

Its Day 11, and I made a bad decision last night on what to eat for dinner. I had been feeling hungry all day! I started with a cup of coffee and a protein bar, went into lunch with a cheese sandwich (b/c someone forgot the lunch meat! DUH!) and a cup of strawberries! I'm rocking this diet!! I went to pick up Madison from school at 2:30 and we had a snack.  I had an apple, she had the rest of her banana from breakfast and a granola bar. We are doing this together! I am trying to teach my daughter good eating habits along with exercising! So its almost 4 and I am starving again...there's another apple left from Madison's lunch, so I ate that, and gave into her pressure of having some princess gummies! lol  By 5:30 after dropping Madison off I am about to gnaw on my hand and work my way up to the elbow! (Not a pretty sight at all!) So the closest thing to me is...yep...you guessed it McDONALDs!!!  As I pulled into the drive thru I new, I just new it was a bad idea! So I tried their new less than 400 calories menu... A Grilled Chicken Ranch BLT.... 380 calories...not bad...but its what comes with that sandwich that makes the whole meal a BIG PILE O'CRAP! Medium fries, and a coke! 590 calories just for those two items...and 106 carbs! That's 106/150 carbs for the day for me! Not good! I was on my way to Yoga for the first time no doubt so I had no idea what to expect, all I knew was that feeling in my stomach was gone and I was happy again! Obesity is a huge (pardon the pun) problem in the country. And one of those reasons is that food is comfort and not nourishment. I am learning this day by day! So at Yoga I stretched my sore muscles that had been sore since I started walking and I went home relaxed and back in my mind frame I have come to know the past 10 days!  When I woke up, I was really mad at myself for eating like I did! It was a horrible feeling and I don't want to feel that way! I don't want to feel the way I did 12 days ago ever again! This is my new bandwagon....

Exercise for today 8/16/12

Distance: 3.07mi

Time:43:47

Pace: 14:35min/mi

Speed: 4.11mi/h.

Zesty Lime Shrimp and Avocado Salad | Skinnytaste

Zesty Lime Shrimp and Avocado Salad | Skinnytaste

Alright ladies and gents! I have found a recipe for the famous ceviche I like to bring to parties (No more will I be stopping by Mi Pequeno Hacienda!) I have tweeked the recipe to add 1/3-1/2 cup of Clamato (for those who have not heard of it! ) Also adding 1/4 cup of cucumber will add to the flavor also!

Muy Bueno!!!!  ENJOY! 

The stress and relief of today!

7 years...really? 7 years is all it took from looking like this.......to this? UM.....YUCK!

I just want to reiterate that I do not and did not smoke crack or meth, I just used this for the "smoking" figure of speech!


Today is Day 10 of my exercising journey and Day 5 of my No Smoking Journey....

This change in my life recently has been the hardest thing I have had to do, and most of you know I have been through hell and back throughout the last several years. But I am taking this change as seriously as I can! I am eating better, more fruits and veggies. And exercising, which I have NEVER done! My biggest fear was not being able to do this! But I have shown my self in the last 10 days that I can do it! Now smoking was a different reason all together. Friday August 10, I just had my last cigarette. I went into the house and sank the pack under the faucet until they were completely soaked and threw all my lighters away! I have quit off and on for the past several years, but my mindset is totally different in this case. I really think this is it! I really know I can do it! 

This is not just a "this time" it is forever!

 Exercise for today 8/15/12

Distance: 3.04mi

Time: 55:01

Pace: 18:04min/mi

Speed: 3.32mi/h.

Boots aren't made for walking if you know what I mean...

I know they are pretty...I really want a pair... but I need to know what is the best shoe out there right now for what I'm doing. I am walking mainly, but want to get up to a little jogging. No I'm not talking about marathons or anything...you must be crazy!

My feet are sore. I know this is probably from them not being used for like...um...EVER!..my legs are also sore...probably because my feet are sore! Please bring on the advise...as I need as much as I can get!

YEA Go ME!!!... I'm on DAY 10....5 lbs lighter!

Old School .... Salt N Pepa and Distractions!

Ok I actually remember dressing like this in middle school and high school....shame on me! lol

Anyways this group of ladies (Salt N Pepa) has a song called "Push It" It is the only song I will listen to when I start and finish my exercise! It gives me the energy to make it! I actually ran at the beginning of my walk (OMG I RAN!) today, not very far, but I ran! My little one was riding her bike with me, and at the best times she will fall off, I have to stop and help her back up! So that did stop me in my head from saying I can keep going! But I had a distraction! I can't and don't like distractions! But I still pressed on...I still was walking I still was not sitting on the couch! My time today was not what I wanted, but again distractions of having to pick a 5 year old up after falling off her bike 15-20 times through out 3.9 miles will do that! Oh and don't forget the bathroom breaks too! So today my time was 01:03:08 pace: 16:15min/mi. speed: 3.69 mi/h

I STILL DID IT!! And lost 2lbs this week! :)

Blowin it up! 5k style

2012 Midsummer Nights Run

NAME: 3253 - Stephanie G.
CHIP TIME:   53:43
PACE:  17:18

I'm so ecstatic! I finished my very first 5K and in under 1 hour! Not many people at my weight can say that, I know I've been reading fat peoples blogs for a while  now, thanks to MyFitnessPal!  But I woke up this morning! (Thank you God!) And I have to admit, I was not sore, not one bit! Seven full days of excercising, and just the first day or so have I been sore. So I decided to relax and take it easy, go enjoy the day at the park with my little one! 

By 3:30 I was antsy to move, I needed it! Food is not my only vice I'm giving up, but that is a later story. I got Madison home, and I fixed her bikes flat tires and raised her seat (Single moms have to do this sort of stuff!). It has been a year since she has ridden it! (Now it time for a new bike, the seat is at the very top, the girl will not stop growing!) I put it in the front seat and we headed out to Wellington Park, now I have seen people walking and riding bikes...but I didn't know the trail at all. So I pulled in and parked. We started at what I though was the start, but it wasn't come to find out. So Madison made the first 1.15 miles no problem on her bike. I myself had a little bladder issue and had to stop halfway through, but on the start 2nd lap going on 2 miles,there was trouble, Madison was tired. She kept falling off the bike. So I gave her an option on our way back towards the car, the little girl pushing like crazy, I ask her if she wants to go back to the car or go all the way back around the long way to finish the lap. She looks up at me, with a questioning look squinting her eyes, and says she wants to go all the way back around. I said OK lets do it then!  So we both persevered through the next 3/4 of a mile. We did a total of 3.25 miles in 63 minutes. She got to the very end and jumped off her bicycle and with her arms in the air yelled "I DID IT I DID IT!" I am so thankful for that little 5 year old girl! She pushes me even when she doesn't know it! I am so proud of her!

Where were you...I didn't see you!

Oh yeah, I did it! Oh yeah I did it! I completed my very first 5k! I am so very pleased with myself! Not the greatest time of 57 minutes 18 sec but its a best for me! My feet burn, but I don't care! Knowing that I finished is the greatest feeling ever! Now I must celebrate and eat something healthy and drink lots of water!

*Time has officially came in! It was 53:43 Woohoo!

Brave New World

Day 5....

So I have signed up with my bestest girlfriends to do this 5K...I'm scared to death! I know I am not expecting to be the best, but I want to do the best I can tomorrow! Becuase I know there will be others that I am going to be good at from now on!

So today I took a break from walking! I probably shouldn't have and maybe, just maybe I'll hit the walking track by my house this evening! I figure 5 days of exercise starting back is GREAT! Monday and Tuesday are inservice days for Madison... no work! So I'm gonna have to make myself go to the track! Anybody want to be my reminder to get my butt out there and walk?

Just Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It...

Day 4 some more....

I'm taking the Michael Jackson's lyrics of "Just Beat It" totally out of context and using them to my advantage since I needed some encouragement.

Just Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It
No One Wants To Be Defeated
Showin' How Funky Strong Is Your Fight
It Doesn't Matter Who's Wrong Or Right
Just Beat It, Beat It
Just Beat It, Beat It
Just Beat It, Beat It
Just Beat It, Beat It  

Today has been the hardest day! I did not want to work out! I did not want to walk! But I went anyways....

Lap 7 I was tired..... Lap 18 I wanted to quit.... Lap 24 I WAS DONE! NO MORE! Until this song came on in my ears at that very moment! Lets just say I got pumped! I don't know if it was the beat, the music, the lyrics, or what, but I had a totally different attitude! I made it to lap 44.... then I was done! 2.75 miles in 43 minutes.   I'm happy I did it...I can't go back and say I didn't push myself hard that day because I didn't feel like it! My calf muscles think other wise...

Now its time to eat an apple, cause I know there are gallons upon gallons of ice cream a couple floors down and I'm liable to go take a spatula to one!

A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.

Day 4 ...

Now those of you who know me well, can usually tell anyone what my favorite color is... I had to add a little of it here!

So yesterday was interesting. I weighed for the first time since starting back on the workout road. I was not happy, because everything I had done in the spring was gone....I'm 4 lbs heavier than when I started. Just goes to show that it IS a hell of a lot easier to put it on than take it off.

I thought I was going to have company walking today, but they told me they had a staff meeting...oh well I can still jiggle by myself.

So I changed, and was asked the round of questions going through the hall.. "Did you just get back from jogging?" "Where are you going?" "Are you going jogging?"  Is everyone really that surprised that I am exercising? I guess I'm still a bit stunned myself. So I did some good stretching! I had remembered somethings from the days of doing Turbo Fire and I'm incorporating them into warming up and cooling down. Now this is a funny sight. I am 5'10" with long arms and legs. I must admit I am quite flexible and probably look hilarious doing lunges and squats! But I don't care! No one can see me! (But now that I've painted this "cute" picture I hope your laughing!) I can do whatever kind of stretch I want and know that I am doing something great for my body! Ok so I totally forgot to include that I did 2.5 miles yesterday! Going for 3 today! :)

PS...there's an ICE CREAM social for the whole building today...please say a few prayers that I make it through! lol

Day 3...and so forth...

The deciding factor...duh! Look at me! THAT is not healthy, for me or for my family! For months and months I have been trying to figure out a way to work a workout into my day. Mornings just plain suck! I like my sleep and I don't get enough of it. And with Madison starting Kindergarten @ 7:45 in the mornings, I'm really gonna have to push myself to get up earlier. So, with the gods shining down before me, I overheard some ladies at work talking about walking on one of our empty floors during their lunch break. I was inquisitive with questions for them and decided to go check it out last Friday. It's PERFECT! And when I say PERFECT its perfect for a fat white girl to bounce around in private.

So Sunday night I packed my "gym" bag, tennis shoes (check), t-shirt (check), socks (check), gym pants (check), sports bra (check), tank top (check) HOLY CRAP, that's a bunch of more stuff to think about! Monday I ate my lunch, and then changed into my gym pants, and headed up to 8....I looked around and no one was there... this was my domain! I pumped up the volume on my phone and turned on some tunes! I can do this NO SWEAT! (HaHa!) Lap 9, my legs were burning, like fire! What the hell is wrong with me? I will be 35 in just a few short months! I can't even get a half mile in, before I hurt! But..... I pushed on... I did a total of 24 laps, 1 1/2 miles! I was so happy! But my body was not! I got home at 5:30 and collapsed, I was tired, my legs hurt, my body hurt! I was not happy! I went to bed that night, thinking I can still do this! Tomorrow is another day! Tuesday rolls around...I'm ready! I'm determined! My ASS hurts literally!! But its a good hurt! I change clothes, full gym outfit today, sports bra included! I'm doing this! I head up to 8, all alone again! I'm happy! I can even run if I want too, not that that's happening any time soon, but I could, and I wouldn't feel self conscience about it! At lap 24 my body said NO MORE! I decided I'm doing the extra half mile...and I DID IT! I slowed down quite a bit for the last lap to let me legs adjust, but 2 miles in 30 minutes exactly! I have never felt happier than I did at that moment....I was doing this for me! I AM doing this for me! I have so many GREAT people around me giving support when I need it the most! Even people I don't know, are encouraging! It is TIME for ME to do this!